


The Co8alt Thief

by NepetaCataria



Series: The co8alt thieves [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-05-29 23:23:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6398428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NepetaCataria/pseuds/NepetaCataria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One lone cobalt thief has a kismesis who she hates dearly. She enjoys messing with him and stealing important things before important times. This time, she plans on stealing his ship before a large FLARP session. But something happens and the little cobalt blood ends up sent back in time. she is not aware of this and just continues with the plan but ends up stealing the dear Ampora's ancestor's ship. What will happen on this crazy adventure? </p><p>All the characters belong to Andrew Hussie. Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie. The idea for this story came from the end of this video https://youtu.be/IKmKu92ENts . some narrating areas are based off of andrew hussie's narrative properties.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Scandalous Act

**Author's Note:**

  * For [homestucks](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=homestucks).



 

A 6 sweep troll stands in the cabin of her ship. She is far too busy to pay attention to any small, meaningless things a narrator has to say about her. Some might ask why she is so busy and what she is doing as well as what her name was. Well, to cut the bullshit, those answers will be answered shortly.

The troll is a cobalt blood, who is currently dressed to her finest in her FLARP outfit. Her FLARPing name is Marquise Spinnerett Mindfang, though she is called Vriska Serket outside of the game. She is busy preparing for a large FLARP session that is going to be starting soon. But, she has a devious plan on her mind.

The mischievous troll was planning on stealing her kismesis' ship before the FLARP session. The session doesn't start for another few hours so she has plenty of time to steal his ship, store it somewhere and be back at her own ship in time for the session to start. Some of you might be wondering this bullshit question of 'who is her kismesis'. Well, to understand who it is, you have to understand troll quadrants, which this troll does not have the time to explain. She just wants the name to be said and for it to be over with.

The kismesis of this young troll is Eridan Ampora, a huge douchey seadweller who has waaaaaaaay too high of an ego for this spider troll to like. She enjoys playing little games with him, like stealing one of his essential items and making him come after her to get it. The violet blooded troll that she hated so dearly likes to make their kismesis seem waaaaaaaay more intense than it actually is but, this cobalt blood simply ignores that.

Now, we really need to cut this bullshit and get forward with the plan. Vriska is very eager to start it and mess with her dear kismesis more. She held a small piece of paper in her hands, which was a small note that she's gonna tack up to a post where Eridan can see it. It'll be a good way to rub it in his dirty little face.

The thief of light glances in the mirror one more time. The entire ship starts rocking violently, causing many things to drop down to the floor of the cabin and break. This happened more often than the cobalt blood wanted to admit. The damn tides caused by the two moons and glybglorb were terrible.

Vriska rolls her eyes and walks over to the door of her cabin. She checks to make sure her dress looked good and nice before stepping out onto the deck of her beloved ship. In all honesty, this troll liked to use her imagination to make her ship look far mightier than it truly looked like so to her, everything looked right. She was unaware of one small tiny little fact that kind of changes everything. She was no longer in her own time period.

The cobalt blood steps down off of her ship using this awesome plank that is apart of the ship. She walks over to a tamed hoofbeast. It looked different from when she tied it down there but shrugs. It didn't really matter anyways. Maybe her memory was incorrect or something.

Vriska climbs onto the tamed hoofbeast and rides off in the direction of where eridan's ship was supposed to be. She was grinning to herself. Her robotic arm was covered with her coat sleeves and gloves and her left eye had an eyepatch over it.

“g'day mindfang” she heard as she rode on. The cobalt blood was a bit confused. Nobody called her mindfang outside of the FLARP session. Maybe some random troll has only heard of her awesomeness in FLARP and only knows her by her FLARP name. I mean, she is pretty awesome.

In one fluid movement, the cobalt slides off of the hoofbeast and ties it to a post. Eridan's ship was floating in it's proud glory in front of her. She realizes that the post that she tied the hoofbeast to is a great place to put up the note.

'Mindfang' unfolds the note and tacks it to the post with a small tack that she had in her pocket. She grins, looking at the note proudly before walking over to 'Eridan's' ship. _'wow. He must have done some repairs and improvements to it. This thing looks waaaaaaaay 8etter than it did last FLARP session.'_ Vriska thinks, admiring it for a moment. _'That makes it even 8etter! He'll be so pissed when he realizes that I was the one who stole his 'precious' little ship'_

And with that, the Cobalt FLARPer climbs onto her 'kismesis' ship and raises the anchor. She then hoists the sails and goes to the wheel. She maneuvers her way out of the dock and sails off. When she was a ways away, she hears some cursing. She looks behind her and sees 'Eridan' on the shore. The thief begins to laugh loudly, cackling. She hoped that her dear kismesis could hear her. It would be hilarious. 

Back on the shore, the orphaner had come out of the forested area. He only paused there to take a piss, his bladder practically begging him to release itself before they start the hunt. He had heard the sound of hooves pounding on the ground then the sound of a rope being tied. He did his best to hurry up before coming out. He spotted his ship disappearing in the horizon first. Then, he saw the note tacked to the post. It read:

**“ Hey Ampoooooooora~ I stole your ship and you're not getting it 8ack~ **

** good luck playing the game without it ;:::) ~  Mindfang ** **”**

The adult violet blood looks at the note and sighs. Mindfang and her games. He curses loudly then hears some cackling.

“you might have vvon this round mindfang. Lets hope yer as good as runnin' as ye say ye are. Keep a close eye on the sea my dear~” He says, staring in the direction of his ship.

The adult troll then jumps into the sea and starts swimming to follow the ship, his gun in hand. 

 


	2. The Shocking Discovery

**Be the thief ====== >**

you successfully become the thief

You snicker and look back at the shore. You don't see any figures on the shore what-so-ever besides the hoofbeast that you tied to the post.

“may8e Eridum8ass decided to go 8ack to his hiiiiiiiive and cry” you say outloud, snickering. You knew that eridan wasn't that weak, not like toreadum8ass. You muse for a second on why you like calling people 'dum8ass', especially making nicknames on their name with 'dumb8ass' replacing bits of their real name. You are quick to shake that dumb thought out of your head. You only call those who deserve it 'dum8ass'.

You grin and begin thinking of all of the things that Eridan could be doing right now in order to try to get his ship back. You knew that he wasn't that good of a swimmer so he wouldn't be swimming after you, especially since you've already sailed an Alternian mile by now. He could only stand swimming that far, then he gets waaaaaaaay too tired to continue.

“may8e he's got a row8oat and will follow me in that.” you snicker at the thought of such a 'no8le' highblood rowing in a row boat.

You continue your mocking thoughts of the Ampora, snickering when the images pop into your mind. You mentally decide that you'll give the Ampora one day without using your mind tricks. Then, after that, you'll just let him take his ship back with (8asically) no tricks, games or strings attached.

You weren't really paying attention to the time. You knew where your ship was and you set up some of your FLARP technology to give you a reminder half an hour before the session starts so you can get ready. It was really easy to set this kind of stuff up so you had literally no pro8lem at all.

You smile and begin humming some old pirate songs that you heard a few times while FLARPing. They were really good for passing the time, especially when sailing.

Maybe you should stop being the huge 8itch and become the angry sea dweller.

**8e the Angry sea dweller ====== >**

You become the angry sea dweller

You growl loudly, taking a breath on a rock. How did mindfang speed up her sailing rate? Usually by now you're caught up to the ship and you punish her in heh, many different ways. Why was she sailing quicker all of a sudden. Every time she steals your ship, it's fer a small little game which she is glad to end and get the punishment. She's acting more like she did when we were kids, doing this to tick you off instead of teasing.

You really didn't want to cause any damage to your beloved ship but times were desperate. You silently swear under your breath and head back underwater. You begin to glub and chatter a call to all nearby sea creatures. Not too many of them liked ships and they are always glad to kill those who kill their kind.

You instantly see a reaction. Many different sea creatures begin swimming towards your beloved ship. You'll have to repair the damages later.

**Be the thief ====== >**

You frown. There was...rocking on the ship. It wasn't from the waves. You quickly rush over to the railing and growl. There were some dumb sea creatures trying to climb on board and destroy the ship. You didn't care about the ship but you did care about your own life.

You rush over to the sails and turn them so they caught the best gust of wind before turning back to the railing. You pull out your sword and begin to fight the sea creatures, killing many of them and knocking them over the side of the ship. You wave down at the dead sea creatures. The rest of the sea creatures fled. It looked like they had never seen anything like that.

You pull out your dice and grin when they a proper result. They provided you with lightning that shocked and killed all of the sea creatures that were trying to kill you. You then put away your weapons and walk to the mast of the ship. You direct the ship to the proper area and smirk. Whoever, probably Eridan, sent those sea creatures after you, lost this battle.

**8e the shocked sea dweller ====== >**

vvhat the-?!

Hovv the-?!

vvhat the fuck just happened?! vvhere the fuck did that lightning come from?! hovv did mindfang summon that fucking lightning?! vvhat does mindfang knovv hovv ta do that you dont knovv about?!?!?!

You growl loudly and curse more. Is that even mindfang on yer ship right now?

You were so fucking confused. Maybe she has a sorceress on board as well, helping her battle and such. There were still sorceress' for hire. Dirty little sorceress'. You hated them. They were double-crossin, back stabbing little pieces of shit. One day they help the Empress, the next day they support somefin else.

You sigh. Maybe it was time to call some of your close friends. Fellow orphaner's who owed you. It'll be embarrassing for sure, Mindfang successfully stealing your ship, but you needed the help.

“Damn Mindfang. vvhy are you suddenly serious about this game? I need to start the hunt and you knovv that.” you growl. Maybe that was it. Maybe she wants you to get into deep shit with the empress. That's how she is most of the time.


	3. Dualscar recieves 'kelp'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dualscar can't seem to catch up to 'Mindfang' and his ship so he finds a 'friend' of his that own him a favor.

**Be Dualscar**

  
vvhat the fuck do you think your doing?! You are already Dualscar! vvhy don't you just slap yourself in the head, vvith a spear? God, idoitic lovvbloods.  
Okay. Fine. Continue being the Impudent Seadweller  
vvwhatevver  
You are the Impudent Seadweller, even though you have been him for a while now.  
You are currently swimming along, searching for the location of some REAL ORPHANER'S, like yourself. Those guys owe you a few favors from all of the times that you have saved their asses from being culled due to failure to complete orders.  
Your ship had been stolen by none other than your kismesis MINDFANG. vvhy the hell are you bolding some vvords? It's really annoying. Stop it novv!  
Fine, the narrator of this story decides to listen to the churlish seadweller and stops the tom foolery of bolding certain words to make them seem far more important than the rest.  
Ye already knovv that your ship vvas stolen by yer kismesis mindfang so there is no point in recapping that. Instead, ye need ta pay attention to vvhere yer headed and yer current task at hand. Although you reely hate having ta possibly damage yer ship, it is vvorse ta be vvithout one than ta have a damaged one.  
You growl under your breath, about to head in a different direction when you see a large ship in the distance. It was obviously not Mindfang's as has your ship. It was a familiar ship though. It was the ship of your fellow orphaner, Orphaner Redclaw. You don't understand why he chose the name 'Redclaw'. He has a hook hand but does not wear a single drop of red. Maybe it's his arm, where his hand was cut off. There are rumors that severed limbs turn red at the wound. But you pay no attention to those rumors.  
You swim over to the ship and tap on the side twelve times. That was the signal that was given to you in the instance you had to tap on a ship.  
The hustle and bustle on the deck of the ship is easily heard. You continue swimming slowly along the side of the ship, keeping your gaze upwards to see if anybody looks over the side.  
Shouts and orders were bellowing around up top. You growl and hit the ship twelve more times. Sometimes you had to do this, which really annoyed you since you have your GUN with you.  
You hear the hustle and bustle stop and the anchor lower. A head pops over the edge, peering downwards at you. Some orders are shouted and a rope ladder is lowered for you. You climb up the old latter and onto the deck of the ship.  
As soon as you are securely on the ship, a pat on the back is awarded to you by none other than Claw himself. This made you close your eyes and take a deep breath. He was far too friendly for your liking.  
“4h. Du4lsc4r. Wh4t brings you to just flo4ting 4round in the se4? Did y4 cr4sh yer ship of somefin of the sorts?” Claw asks, chuckling at his own little joke.  
“no. once again, mindfang stole it.” you state, telling the truth but in a very pissed tone.  
“ I thought you 4lw4ys c4tch her when she ste4ls it.” He was obviously a bit confused. “4re y4 getting 4 bit rusty with the entire running 4nd c4tchin'?” He asks in a joking manner.  
“no. this time she is persisitant vvith keeping it, vvhich is somefin she did vvhen vve vvere kids.” you were pissed off, really pissed off. Especially since you had to explain it to this idiot.  
“oh. So she's 4lw4ys messing with you when she ste4ls it? She's never this serious is she?”  
“She enjoys the thrill of the chase and the punishment she receives. That's vvhy she steals my ship” you roll your eyes. “and I need it back.”  
“so yer 4sking fer the help of 4n old frond-”  
“no. ya ovve me. Remember a fevv svveeps ago vvhen you vvere on the line of getting culled? Im using that favvor novv” you were agitated at the annoying orphaner in front of you.  
“oh. Ye4h...th4t...ok4y. Fine. Wh4t do you w4nt me to do?” he asks  
“allovv me to use yer ship so I can get mine back. That's it” you say.  
“wh4t if I s4y that i'm busy”  
“you vvill die and i'll get yer ship anyvvays” you say coldly. That made Claw gulp. He knew not to mess with you, cause people consider you to be a ruthless killer. They're right there. You will kill in order to get what you have do done.  
“o-ocr4y. I'm not busy. You c4n use up yer f4vor right now and use my ship” Claw states, stepping away from you. You smile sarcastically.  
“good. Novv, tell yer crevv ta listen ta my orders” you order. Claw nods and orders for his crew to listen to your orders from now on. You nod and walk to the wheel of the ship.  
You set your greedy little paws hands (no messing vvith my actions!) on the wheel of the ship and turn it so it's now following the direction of your ship. You can't wait until you have your ship back and mindfang has received her punishment for stealing it. Oh, the things you'll do to her.

  
**Why don't you go ahead and be the thief?**

  
Vvhat?! Vvhy vvould you evven vvant to be the fucking thief?! That bitch is gonna be punished!

  
**Ignore Dualscar and be the thief ====== >**

  
you are now the thief.  
You take a look at your surroundings. You know this area very well but...it looks differnet. There is more plantlife on the islands than you remember. 'may8e the FLARP session has already started'. You think. 'no. that's impossi8le. I have a reminder device that's set to go off a half an hour 8efore it starts'.  
You sigh softly and continue on with the sailing. You needed to go into the deeper waters in order to go to where you need to. you know where your hiding spot is located and the easiest way to access it is through a river. In order to access that large mouthed river, you have to go into the deeper waters. You need a toooooooon of space in order to turn this dum8 8oat around. You really h8 it.  
“More dum8 singing.” you mumble. “yay” you state sarcastically.


	4. Continuous Boring Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vriska continues in her theft of Dualscar's ship. She even contacts a friend over trollian using the psionic energy of a passing ship

**Be Vriska**

  
What are you doing? You are already Vriska! If you really wanna change who you are, pick some8ody else  
Okay. How about we become somebody new?  
How can we be somebody new?

**Be Mindfang**

  
W8. Who is this Mindfang? You don't even know who you were trying to be

**Be Vriska**

  
Staying Vriska it shall be.  
You are, as you have been, Vriska Serket. You are currently trying to find the perfect place to hide Eridan's ship. You already know where you are gonna hide it so you can play the FLARP session, but finding it is the issue. The hiding place is easiest accessible through a wide mouthed river that is over grown. In order to turn around to find that river, you have to go deeper into the water, closer to the dangerous areas and closer to the Gl'ygolyb.  
You don't mind going into the deeper waters. It's the Gl'golyb that you are more worried about. Despite the fact that you've never actually seen the large lusii, you've heard tales of the Gl'golyb taking down ships when it was in a bad mood. You are not a seadweller and have no hopes of swimming away if the Gl'ygolyb decides to take down this ship.  
You ignore your worrisome thoughts and set sail towards the deeper waters.  
You decide to pull out your husktop and try to see if psionic connections are available this far out in the waters. At home, you have wi-fi connection. Out in the woods and away from hives, there is sometimes psionic connection from the ships that fly overhead.  
You manage to get a secure connection and you check your trollian. Terezi had messaged you.

GallowsCalibrator [GC] started trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]  
GC: VR1SK4  
GC: VR1SK4.  
GC: GOD D4MN 1T VR1SK4.  
GC: WH3R3 4R3 YOU?  
GC: TH3 S3SS1ON 1S 4BOUT TO ST4RT.  
AG: hey terezi.  
AG: the session is a8out to start?  
AG: argh.  
AG: well, I h8ve to do something  
GC: WH4T DO YOU H4V3 TO DO TH4T'S MOR3 IMPORT4NT TH4N TH1S FL4RP S3SS1ON?  
AG: i've gotta hide some treasure  
GC: YOU M34N STUFF TH4T YOU STOL3?  
AG: mhmm  
GC: WH4T D1D YOU ST34L TH1S T1M3?  
AG: eridans ship  
GC: WH4T???????  
AG: I stole eridan's ship.  
GC: Y34H R1GHT.  
AG: wh8t do you mean?  
GC: 1 JUST S4W TH4T DOUCH3  
AG: w8. The connection's messing up.  
AG: Must 8e getting to far away from the psionic. 8ye  
arachnidsGrip [AG] has disconnected

You recaptchalouge your husktop and go back to steering the ship. You realize that it is about the right time to turn this ship around to enter the river.  
You begin to turn the wheel of the ship, bored about of your mind. This was a very 8ooooooooring theft. It'll get better when you confront eridan. He'll be so angry. It'll be hilarious watching him search for his ship in the most obvious of hiding spots when you know exactly where you've hidden it. The thought of him searching around frantically while still trying to play in the FLARP session makes you crack up.  
You spot the mouth of the river come into view and direct the ship in that direction. Luckily, for today, the wind was on your side and was all too happy to blow you towards where you need to go.

**This is boring. Why don't you be the desperate pirate?**

  
Vvhat?! I'm not desperate!!!

**Fine. Be the Orphaner searching for his ship**

  
That's better  
You are now Orphaner Dualscar. You are currently in possession of Redclaw's ship and his crew because you need your own ship. You politely asked to have his ship and he agreed (Lies). Be quiet.  
You shout out orders, ordering the crewmen of this ship to do the things necessary to direct the ship towards the direction of where he thought his own ship was going. He was fairly pissed off. Mindfang was going to seriously pay for this. This was the last straw fer her. And it's not gonna be a measly punishment like you give when it all is just a simple joke. No. This was gonna be a more serious punishment. She needs to be taught exactly where she is on the hemospectrum. No more depraved red rom games. No more black games that could cause for you to lose your life, not like she cares about it. You need to make her care, make her take your job more seriously. You refuse to play her dumb games.  
You sigh and spot a ship in the horizon. Maybe it was your ship. Wait…if it was your ship, why is it heading towards an over grown area of land? She’s not gonna crash your ship, is she? Even she’s not that dumb!  
Unless there was some sort of hidden river or something behind all of that over grown land. Maybe there is and she is planning on heading that way. Well, if she is, she’s trapping herself. She probably doesn’t know that you are on her tail. She’ll probably be so surprised when she finds out that you are following her. You’ll have the element of surprise for once. Most of the time she catches you offguard, which pisses you off.  
You shout a few orders, all of them following the lines of, ‘follovv that ship ovver there!’ You know that in order to even potentially be able to follow mindfang, they’d need to do what she did, go out into the deeper sea to turn around, then head towards the opening of the river. You don’t even know if she is heading towards a river but if she isn’t, you’ll have time to stop before you potentially collide with the land.

**Okay. This is boring. Be Vriska**

  
Since being Dualscar became very boring, you become the thief of the ship.  
You grin as you head towards the mouth of the river. Once you reach the end of the river, you’ll have enough time to play the FLARP session and then come back to protect the things that you rightfully stole. This plan was foolproof and could only have been thought up by a true genius, which is you of course. Who else would it be?  
A single thought crosses your mind. ‘what if equius enters my hive and snoops around and finds the p8per that has the plan on it?’ you quickly dismiss the thought. Equius always messages you on trollian before he comes over and it’s not like he’d even have a reasoning to snoop around in your hive anyways. Despite the fact that you are lower than him on the hemospectrum, you still prove to be very strong and equius has this thing about personal privacy. He’s not like the stories of highblood’s entering a lowblood’s house and ransacking the place, taking whatever they wanted before leaving.  
Ah. The stories of old alternia before Her Imperious Condescension decreed that adult trolls are no longer allowed to live on Alternia as to lower the risk of trolls joining forces and attempting to end her reign again. Those stories always make you happy. Just imagining life on old Alternia fills you with joy. If you were an adult troll back on old alternia, you would for sure be a pir8, ransacking whoever’s hive that you wanted, stealing as much treasure that you could and living the high life of a thief. Being a thief even only in a kid’s game like FLARP is fun as it is. You loot whatever you can and nobody can do anything as long as you follow the rules. You even get to boss lowbloods around. It truly is fun. But you need to stop thinking about this distracting stuff. It distracts you from the real focus, hiding this ship. You need to get revenge on Eridan.


End file.
